Get this playing in the background before reading on.
Thousands of Oak Park residents are being equipped with a simple device to help fight crime in the village.And if that doesn't work, you can always
Police are passing out whistles that they are urging citizens to blow if they are victims of or witnesses to a crime. [More]
1. Vomit
2. Surrender
3. Scream (while poking with "a rat tail comb")
4. Pull the covers over your head.
Leave it to Illinois "Only Ones" to expect us to whistle past the graveyard of history.
I don't suppose they'd go along with us taking away their guns and giving them the damn whistles.
Note the cud-chewers who think it's a good idea. You have to admit, calling someone a Niznik sounds about right.
Also note how "Officers are willing to take that chance..."
With our lives, of course, not their own.
Note to Park Police Cmdr. Keenan Williams and Police Chief Rick Tanksley: Go blow yourselves.
[Via Carl B and Mama Liberty]