Dear Abby, Dear Abby, My Fountain Pen Leaks...*

I don't know what to do, and aside from whether or not my parents would approve, and all other logistical/material concerns aside, I'm not really sure whether I should buy a gun.--Sane Gun Lover

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Why not say that, as interesting and psychically rich as our twisted Southern heritage is, it's time to retire the guns.--Cary Tennis

Gun Lover, Gun Lover
You have no complaint
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up well
Tell hoplophobe Cary to go straight to hell

Oh, and while you're at it, stop being such a nihilistic emo wuss. You come off like the Goth kids on South Park.

* With apologies to John Prine

[Via Dan Gifford]

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